I cannot find my penis.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
