just come out here and I will go home with you...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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