Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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