I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So vagazzling was a success
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
