just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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