YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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