no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
