i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
