So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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