so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
