I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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