if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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