I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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