I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
