Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
