You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
