was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
