You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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