I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
