capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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