Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Found your dick twin last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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