just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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