chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
