i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can you bring me the toilet please
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
