He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
