i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
