Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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