If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
