So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize