i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
