Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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