i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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