i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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