So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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