i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
