Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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