My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
