The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
