I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
soo... how was my night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
