"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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