I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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