So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
