I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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