If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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