She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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