that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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