Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
