jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
