This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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