Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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