Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
