He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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