I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
