I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
