butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my phone needs a breathalizer
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
