I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
