I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
