Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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