Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
