I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
