After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
