U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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