Buhtt sex?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
