Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
