I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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