His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
