Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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