Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
