the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
