dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
