i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
