She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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