I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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