pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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