I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
