oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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