...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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