My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
