I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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