I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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