see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
