it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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