Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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