and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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