I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
