I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize