also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
